It's been a while since I posted about my life. I've been going through a lot of frustration, waiting and thinking of my future. Here's what has happened.
Last time I posted, I was in Colorado. I loved DU but at the time, I really didn't think it was right for me. I was going through the motions and pretending it was perfect but looking back, it wasn't. It was not the right fit. I sent thank you cards to the professors and waited (im)patiently for a decision to be made. I did get accepted into the program at DU. I ran a victory lap around my office building. I jumped up and down. I posted it to Facebook and got all the validation I needed. But every time someone asked when I was leaving, I responded "well, I haven't decided if I'm going or not". At the time, it hinged on whether or not I got the assistantship that would pay my tuition plus give me a place to live. Every time I worried about the expense, I was told "everyone has student loans". For a while, I thought to myself- I'll go no matter what. Then I did not get the assistantship and all of a sudden I was back into the confusing, twisting tornado I was stuck in before.
Finally, I sat down with my parents. We discussed my inability to budget. We discussed the total expense of the two year program in Denver where I would have to find a place to live and a job. We discussed other options. We decided (after some crying) that it is in my best interest at this point to stay home, start saving money, and possibly get my degree online. I was not sure what my parents would say- deep down, I knew they'd give me the sensible answer (which is exactly what they did) but I was secretly hoping they'd wish me luck and tell me to go after my dreams, no matter the cost. This decision is a good one because even though I am excited to get my master's in student affairs and as much as I want to be working in the field, I don't want $80,000+ worth of loans hovering over me for the next 15+ years (since goodness knows people in student affairs don't make a ton of money and those loans will take forever to pay off). I know it shouldn't come down to the money but in this economy (such a lame excuse), its hard not to consider.
I interviewed for the Colorado State University online master's program yesterday. I'll know (hopefully) at the end of the month if I'm accepted into the fall cohort. I hate waiting but at this point, this is all that's left for me. I've signed on to stay at MPO for at least two more years, if not three. There is some potential for me to grow and move around in the company eventually so that is something to look forward to. I love working in Burnsville with the bunch of people that are there so I'm content with this decision. Some days are frustrating but they really value me as an employee and I appreciate that so I think it'll be a good place for me to stay for a while.
I am looking forward to many things now that I know I'll be home. Jaci and Ryan's wedding in the fall. Watching baby Gibson's first year of life. Continuing to work out with my trainer. Rearranging some things at home. Getting into a better routine that will keep me healthy and happy. I know a lot of good will come of this, I just can't see it all right now.
So there you have it, the decision has been made. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or chastise me for my plans. This was a decision I had to make on my own and you may not agree with it but that's okay. Someday my life will go the way I expect it to, I just have to get through a few more hurdles first.
