#32: End of the Year

Holy buckets, where has the time gone since Thanksgiving?


Over the last few months, I have become very apathetic and sad.  I'm overwhelmed and tired.  I think that I am officially depressed.


But then I found this on the internets the other day and it made me feel a tiny bit better.

I agree with this statement.  This is exactly how I feel. 

My Poppa died on December 17.  He was sick and it was the right thing for him at the time.  It brought our family together in California.  But when big things happen in my life, I start thinking about where I am in my life and how I am not totally thrilled.  There is never a good time for a death in the family but Christmas is probably the worst.  Ugh.


Here is my End of Year Survey to sit and reflect on my year.

What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before? Work out!

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

1. Cut out sweets- for the most part, yes I kept this one.  I did lose about 20 pounds this year so I'd say that's a success!

2. Take Jazz for a walk every day- I did for a while... I was better about this than I thought I'd be.
3. Be more positive/find some sort of faith- I think what shook me the most was Poppa's death.  I have a lot of thinking to do about my faith now (the calendar didn't do it).

4. Cut out the crap in my life.  I think this went okay.  I can't help getting sucked in to the drama of my friends but I'm getting better at dealing with it.

And I'm working on making more.  I have to finish my list of things to do before I turn 25 first!  Oh my! 

Did anyone close to you give birth? Michelle at work just had her baby on Christmas eve!  He's adorable!

Did anyone close to you die? Poppa.  

What countries did you visit? Just the USA but I did go to Vegas and California twice!

What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Love.

What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 22 because it was Poppa's memorial service.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Working out (almost) weekly!

What was your biggest failure? Not getting into grad school.

Did you suffer illness or injury? I am getting a lot of paper cuts and bruises.  That's pretty normal.

What was the best thing you bought? Everything I've purchased from Vera Bradley (which is A LOT).

Where did most of your money go? Dear Vera Bradley.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Las Vegas with my mom!

What songs will always remind you of 2011? Panic! at the Disco, Trampled by Turtles, Maroon 5, Matt Nathanson!  All the concerts I saw this year.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder.

ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner and healthier!

iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

What do you wish you'd done more of? Work on my grad school applications when I still had time/was still excited about it.

What do you wish you'd done less of? Purchased things at VB.

How will you be spending Christmas? I was in California for the 2 days before Christmas and then back home without Mom for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  It was an odd holiday.

Did you fall in love in 2011? No.

How many one-night stands? 0.

What was your favorite TV program? New Girl! and 2 Broke Girls.  Love it!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I make it a point not to hate but there is one person in particular I cannot stand.  She shall remain unnamed.

What was the best book you read? American Wife.  You can read my review here.

What was your greatest musical discovery? Matt Nathanson

What did you want and get? Healthy!  I feel so much better physically than I did a year ago.  Mentally is another story but I am feeling very fit!

What did you want and not get? Into grad school.  Blah.

What was your favorite film of this year? It had been "Crazy Stupid Love" until I saw "Morning Glory" yesterday.  Now it may be a tie.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 and Liz surprised me with a birthday dinner with all my friends!  It was WONDERFUL and I will remember it forever.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If my cupcake master plan had worked...

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Finally cute dresses!  I love working at VB because I can buy and wear cute clothes again.

What kept you sane? Baking cupcakes.  Its therapeutic.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ryan Gosling.  Yes please. 

What political issue stirred you the most? The MN state shutdown.

Who did you miss? My grandparents.

Who was the best new person you met? The sexy chiropractor.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Love unconditionally. 

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"I wanna feel a car crash
I wanna feel a capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel a car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright."

- "Car Crash" by Matt Nathanson

A Few of My Favorite Things//75- Thanksgiving Edition

A few of my favorite things to be thankful for this year.

My friends.  Miss Nina Boosalis woke up at 6 a.m. to do the St. Jude Give Thanks Walk with me last Saturday.  She is wonderful, as are my other friends.

My family, especially my Poppa whose health is improving every day.

My dog because he's adorable and weird but makes everyone happy (except maybe my dad).

Vera Bradley.  It makes me happy and I love working there. 

Cupcakes.  They give me something to do and share with pretty much anyone who will eat them. 

Volunteering.  I am thankful to have the plethora of opportunities to help others in our community like Tuesday night when we fit 330 homeless men and women of Minneapolis with new shoes/boots for the winter.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for so I try to give back as much as I can.  

A Few of My Favorite Things//74

1. Forts.  I want to make one.

2. Can we talk about this cake?  Because holy crap.  Ombre cake = going on my list of things to do before I turn 25.

3. Having an easy night out with friends and doing something out of the ordinary (we played pool and watched the UFC fight)

4. Watching my pup frolic in the snow.  It's the only time he'll go outside alone.  Here is a picture of him wearing the sweet tie I bought him yesterday.

5. My dad just pointed this video out to me.   Jelly beans.

Sources: one, two

5 Things About Me

1. I'm obsessed (well, maybe not obsessed) with white teeth.  I've tried every teeth whitening toothpaste out there and I'm still not happy with the results.  I'm not sure what I'm expecting my teeth to look like but I'm hoping someday I'll know.

2. I love music with a beat like this (one you can dance to, though I'm not a big dancer), regardless of the lyrics.  Mostly, I love Pitbull.  This new song is not really feminist friendly (they rarely are) but I love it.


3. I just found a house I want to buy.  I know nothing about homes and money but I love it.  I keep coming up with things that I would consider to make me stay here instead of going to grad school.  I have low expectations for school and am hoping I am proved wrong and someone wants me.

But seriously, I'm in love with this house.

4. I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Nevermind how it came about, I think its important to take time every year to reflect on the things and people that you are thankful for.  I read an idea somewhere to send thank you cards to people who have made a difference in your life over the past year- why I've never thought of this before, I don't know.  I'm excited to send some thank you cards.

(print your own cards here)

5. I hate watching game shows all day at work but ever since I've been watching Deal or No Deal, I really want to be one of those "Deal or No Deal" models.  Its a weird thing to want to be.  They get to wear pretty dresses.

A Few of My Favorite Things//73

1. 11:11.  What a magical day!

2. Watching great movies when I feel like crap

3. Our armed forces (which of course includes my brother, Airman Peter Boosalis, and both of my grandpas)

4. I don't love cake pops but I'm so in love with all of these sprinkles.  

5. She & Him Christmas album

Sources: one, two, three, four, five

A Few of My Favorite Things//72

1. Always, I dream of living in the mountains.

2. Sunsets

3. Fresh squeezed orange juice

4. Lovely yellow wall

5. Autumn

Sources: one, two, three, four, five

A Few of My Favorite Things//71

I stopped doing this in December with week number 70 (you can see 1-70 here).  Today, I decided to start again.  Weekly (hopefully), I will post 5 pictures of people, places, things, or ideas I love.  I hope for it to be fun and inspiring and cheerful.

1. I'm feeling like this a lot lately

2. Liz and I just watched our fave episode of Dexter's Lab the other day (not this one but its good, too).  Love it.

3. I'm very intrigued by sky lanterns- what are they made of?  Where do they go?  What happens to them when they land?  Will I possibly use this in my wedding someday?  Probably.

4. Sometime soon I will do this on cupcakes.

5. Remember this, always.

Sources: one, two, three, four, five

Post Grad Book #13

Rules of Civility by Amor Towles
Finished: October 11, 2011
Page Count: 333
Why I read it: 
While in California, we stopped at Barnes and Noble.  This book was on a table and I love all things "Gatsby"-esque so I bought it.  


Amazon.com review:

Set during the hazy, enchanting, and martini-filled world of New York City circa 1938, Rules of Civility follows three friends--Katey, Eve, and Tinker--from their chance meeting at a jazz club on New Year's Eve through a year of enlightening and occasionally tragic adventures. Tinker orbits in the world of the wealthy; Katey and Eve stretch their few dollars out each evening on the town. While all three are complex characters, Katey is the story's shining star. She is a fully realized heroine, unique in her strong sense of self amidst her life's continual fluctuations. Towles' writing also paints an inviting picture of New York City, without forgetting its sharp edges. Reminiscent of Fitzgerald, Rules of Civility is full of delicious sentences you can sit back and savor (most appropriately with a martini or two).

What I thought: If you know me at all, you know that I love the 1920s and 30s.  This book was lovely.  It followed a strong young woman who was finding her way around New York City with her friend and eventually, a suave young man who stole both their hearts.  It was a fun read that made me want to find my F. Scott Fitzgerald books to finally read those.  

Post Grad Book #12

On a Night Like This by Ellen Sussman
Finished: I also don't remember... last week?
Page Count: 288
Why I read it: 
I loved the last book I read by this author so I reserved this one from the library.  For once, I was not disappointed by a second book by the same author (normally I'm not impressed).


Publisher's Weekly review:

In Sussman's heart-wrenching debut, two former high school classmates take a second chance at love, despite one partner's terminal cancer. Resisting the impulse to descend into bathos, Sussman shows remarkable restraint in her depiction of a love affair that transforms a dying woman's last days into a celebration of life. When Luke Bellingham, an acclaimed screenwriter in his 40s, agrees to become "Finder of Lost Souls" for his 25th high school reunion, the only lost classmate he really wants to find is the enigmatic Blair Clemens, whose gang rape at 17 inspired his Oscar-winning screenplay, Pescadero. Suffering from writer's block and his wife's sudden desertion, Luke is thrilled to discover that Blair lives near him in San Francisco. Bohemian Blair is now a single mom as well as chef of a chic restaurant, but beginning a relationship is definitely not on her agenda when she agrees to reconnect with Luke after first meeting his cute dog, Sweetpea. All she wants to do is work, have no-strings sex with her ever-randy ex-hippie landlord and enjoy what's left of her life with her teenage daughter, Amanda. At their initial meeting, the immediately smitten Luke informs her, "On a night like this, I could fall in love," and Blair, frightened by her own attraction, quickly retorts, "Don't bother... I'm dying." The novel's elegant denouement and Sussman's fluid treatment of tough moments make this a keeper for fans of high-caliber weepies. 

What I thought:This was also a romantic book that I couldn't put down but I didn't love it.  It was strange, mostly.  I guess I had a hard time relating to the characters.  I do enjoy a good love story where people reunite and fall in love later in life.  

Post Grad Book #11

French Lessons by Ellen Sussman
Finished: I can't remember because I've been meaning to do this for probably a month
Page Count: 236
Why I read it: 
My mom read it then recommended it to me.  So I read it and I loved it.


The inside cover description:

A single day in Paris changes the lives of three Americans as they each set off to explore the city with a French tutor, learning about language, love, and loss as their lives intersect in surprising ways.

Josie, Riley, and Jeremy have come to the City of Light for different reasons: Josie, a young high school teacher, arrives in hopes of healing a broken heart. Riley, a spirited but lonely expat housewife, struggles to feel connected to her husband and her new country. And Jeremy, the reserved husband of a renowned actress, is accompanying his wife on a film shoot, yet he feels distant from her world.

As they meet with their tutors—Josie with Nico, a sensitive poet; Riley with Phillippe, a shameless flirt; and Jeremy with the consummately beautiful Chantal—each succumbs to unexpected passion and unpredictable adventures. Yet as they traverse Paris’s grand boulevards and intimate, winding streets, they uncover surprising secrets about one another—and come to understand long-buried truths about themselves.

What I thought:

It was romantic and wonderful and not too predictable and it just made me happy.  It made think of France and wish I could be there and experience France with a tutor.  It was a quick read and took me away in its descriptions and places and people.  There were just a few chapters, each describing one of the three people on his or her adventure with a French tutor.  Each chapter started with a map that showed the duo's travels through Paris during the one day of focus.  You see that all of them cross paths at some point and see the same thing just at different times.  Its wonderful and I highly recommend it.  

#32: Poppa

Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

My grandpa, whom I named Poppa when we were little and the name stuck, has been sick for a while. A stubborn Brayton man, he has been reluctant to go to the hospital over the past few months after falls and heart issues. Last Friday, I saw a lot of men at work who reminded me of Poppa so I decided I should call and see how he was doing. I called my grandma's cell phone and spoke to her for a while as she grocery shopped. I tried to call their home number but I don't think we have it correct so I decided I would just try my grandma later to talk to Pop. When she got home from the grocery store, I guess Poppa looked the worse he has yet and declared he was ready to go to the hospital. So he was admitted to the VA in La Jolla and has been there ever since.

A first he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure because he has AFIB (an irregular heart beat) and fluid in his lungs, among other symptoms. They started to remove the fluidn from his body and gave him oxygen through that nose deal at first. He lost like 10 pounds of fluid in this limbs but the oxygen wasn't making it to his lungs like the doctors wanted it to. Then they tried more of an oxygen mask type of apparatus but poor Poppa is closterphobic and the mask was giving him anxiety. They couldn't regulate his breathing because of his anxiety. So on Wednesday they intibated him and now he's on a bunch of sedatives until they can get his breathing right. I guess when he was first admitted to the VA they were supplying him with 100% of his oxygen. They want him to be able to breathe 60% on his own (40% from the intubation) before they try and extubate him. Yesterday when we left the hospital he was at 50%. They're hoping to get him down to 40% tomorrow (Monday) then take him out of the sedation to see if he can breathe on his own. They actually have to "wake him up" from the sedation everyday to make sure he is still responding. Obviously once he is more lucid he is very confused and in a lot of pain so he has tried to pull out his intubation tube and IVs a few times. The nurses have found out just how strong my Poppa is during times like this. They say that's a good sign. Because of his issues breathing and all the fluid in his lungs, the doctors decided he had an infection that triggered this mess. Recent tests have shown no more infction so that's a good sign too because he is improving from whatever evil started this all.

Liz and I flew into San Diego on Saturday morning where my mom and grandma picked us up and brought us straight to the hospital. I guess I wasn't sure what I was expecting from this trip but I wasn't a prepared to see Pop like this as I thought I was. I took one look at him all full of tubes and wires and had to walk away. Again, thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

We're going back to the hospital to spend the day. Hopefully today is better than yesterday and tomorrow is better than today. The nurses say he can hear us under sedation but won't remember anything when he finally gets back to consciousness. I just hope we get to really see him before Liz and I leave on Tuesday. We'll see, I guess.

Please keep Poppa and Grammy Donna in your thoughts and prayers. It would mean a lot to the fam and me.


UPDATE: Tuesday, October 11 at 8:15 a.m.
Just wanted to let everyone know about Pop's improvements.  Yesterday (Monday), Liz and I went to Legoland while Mom and Grammy Donna went to the hospital.  No, this wasn't a vacation but only 3 people could be in Pop's room at a time and our aunt and uncle were on their way down so it seemed silly to be at the hospital, especially since they were planning to extubate him yesterday and Liz and I didn't really care to be around for that.  Liz and I drove to Legoland and were there for about an hour before our cousin was dropped off to join us.  It was right about then when Mom texted and said Poppa was breathing on his own, gave them a thumbs up and was talking.  The rest of our stay at Legoland was kind of distracting, knowing that Pop was okay and wanting to be there with him, but we continued to explore on the beautiful day.  Liz said nothing bad ever happens at Legoland and I guess that was true.  We finally left and met the rest of our family for lunch before traveling to the VA Hospital.  Liz and I went up to his room, met his afternoon nurse, then were very pleased to find Poppa's eyes open and a bit of a smile on his face.  We could tell he was exhausted and did not want to be there any more but he didn't seem to be in pain or anxious at all so that was a very good thing to see.  He had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth that the nurse told us to remind him to keep on but we didn't have to.  He was being a very good patient.  Liz and I said hi and he held our hands, then told us he loved us and asked us to leave.  I think in addition to being exhausted, he's probably a little embarassed about being in a hospital gown and having so many things attached to him (IVs and such).  Liz and I went back to the family room and one by one the rest of our group went into his room then were promptly kicked out by Pop.  It became a challenge and when Jaeden (our 11-year-old cousin) went in, he timed his stay and was in there for a minute and 16 seconds.  We left around 5 and traveled up the coast for home after making a stop in La Jolla to watch the sun set over the ocean (I'll post pictures on Facebook when we get home). 

Last night when we were all sitting around talking, Grammy was supposed to be sleeping but she felt that she had to call the hospital one last time before she went to bed.  When the nurse answered the phone, he said "That's amazing, Bruce just said he wanted to talk to Donnie".  God at work again, that's for sure.  She came out into the sitting room for us to listen to their amusing conversation as he was a little loopy but also back to his old humorous self.  He made a few poop jokes and when Grammy asked how he was doing, he said "well, I'm not dead."  He wanted her to come in this morning for the shift change to meet his new nurse.  Grammy laughed, said goodnight and he told us again he loved us.  It's amazing how quickly he went from 100% sedation with a breathing tube down his throat to being able to speak and joke with us while only getting oxygen through that thing in his nose.  Hallelujah indeed.

Liz and I are going home today.  We're waiting around now to leave for the hospital so we can say our goodbyes.  I'm just happy that he'll be able to say goodbye back.  Mom prayed all week that he would be awake before we left for home and that prayer was definitely heard.  I am not looking forward to going home- this short trip is just further proof to me that I'm ready to move here and stay a while.  It makes my 10 grad school applications seem way excessive since I know this is where I want to be but I guess I have to see those through.  I do not want to go to work tomorrow but at least I have Friday to look forward to (another day off for a wonderful adventure- more on that later, I'm sure).  Mostly, I just wish I could stay. 

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for Poppa and Grammy Donna.  I feel so much better leaving today knowing that he's going to be okay.

#31: Back to School Thoughts

I think it is ridiculous to say that I've "narrowed down" my search of graduate schools to a final 10.  10 is still a lot of schools and is going to cost me $510 in application fees alone.  Right now I have very mixed feelings about everything in the future.  I have this cautious attitude to not be too excited about any school I like because I've learned too many times how nothing goes the way I plan or how so much can change in such a short period of time.  One year ago, Allison & Phil got married and I was happy with Sean and look where he is now- gone.  He disappeared.  Obviously, I'm still a little upset about that but I think it only hurts again now because I was so happy a year ago.  So I'm not putting too many eggs in one basket, as they say, like I did last time because I'm not sure I can stand another disappointment like that.  Plus I just need to get out of here.

I want to go back to school.  I really do.  But every time I drive past a house for sale, I think about what it would be like to just buy a house and settle down here.  But then I remember how I have nothing (and no one) to settle down with and I start thinking about school again.  I think it all comes down to me being lonely.  I love my family but I miss the community of being on campus.  I like most of the people I work with so that helps me continue to make it through work each day but its not the same.  I miss being on campus and learning.

I signed up for a Spanish continuing education course at Normandale starting in a couple weeks.  Its a six-week visual learning course.  I'm really excited about it.  I just want to learn more "every day" Spanish so I can have conversations, short as they may be, with our Spanish speaking patients.  I think if I could continue my Spanish education it could give me a huge advantage in the higher education job market in the future.  I think this is a good move for me right now.

I'm also considering an 8-week class in beginner's quilt making.  "Make a quilt" is on my list of 23 Things ever since I saw the adorable quilt Kasi made for Jaci.  Because I more or less taught myself to knit and never quite mastered the skill, I decided I needed to take a class to get me started on quilting.  I'm excited about that too because its going to give me something to do.  Plus, maybe I'll make a baby blanket...

And I've decided to start going to Zumba classes at LA Fitness on Monday nights.  This could be hit or miss.  I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about my personal trainer changing his hours.  Right now I'm scheduled to work out with the female trainer Eric recommended but I don't like her hours (I saw Eric at 5:30, Ruth has openings at 6 or later on most days) so that frustrates me.  Working out has to be convenient for me, otherwise I won't do it.  So I may have to try out the other trainers again.  But Zumba has potential, I suppose.

By the way, I've decided to stop taking a "Picture a Day".  The pictures I took were mostly crap and I forgot a lot so I figured it wasn't worth doing anymore.  I know I'm only 3 months away from the end of the year but what's the point in 3 more months of Jazz pictures?

Anyway, here is the list of my top 10 grad schools.  I decided 10 was a good number because its my favorite number (birthdate) not to mention that when I laid out all the individual papers I wrote down with school info on it, Jazz messed up about 3 or 4 of them so Mom and I decided it was a sign to toss them (also I didn't like the programs the longer I thought about it...).

1. San Diego State University
2. Bowling Green State University (Carl wants me to go here)
3. Indiana University of Pennsylvania (it is random but it looks like a great program)
4. University of Connecticut
5. Seattle University
6. University of San Diego
7. University of Vermont (I heard its nice in Vermont this time of year, all that snow...).
8. Colorado State University (note how far down on this list it is now.  I'm sad about it but also I've finally hit the "anger" stage of grieving.  I'm mad at them for not accepting me, mad for the lameass excuse ("not enough experience") and mad at myself for not gaining more experience in the last year since I got the rejection in January...)
9. University of Denver
10. University of St. Thomas (more or less my safe school as I REALLY would prefer not to stay here)

Here are all of those schools plotted out on a map according to longitudes and latitudes.  I'm a big nerd.  :)

This is the latest I've stayed up in weeks due to my busy schedule but I suddenly had a lot to say and had to write it down before I forgot.  Wish me luck with my very expensive endeavor of applying to grad schools!

Post Grad Book #10

If You Were Here by Jen Lancaster
Finished: August 30, 2011
Page Count: 306
Why I read it: 
My mom read it and then told me to read it before it was due back at the library.  So I did (read it, I mean.  I did not meet the deadline before it was due at the library).


Amazon.com review:
Told in the uproariously entertaining voice readers have come to expect from Jen Lancaster, If You Were Here follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) through the alternately frustrating, exciting, terrifying-but always funny-process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John hughes's movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, Mia and Mac get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters, including a celebutard ex- landlady. As they struggle to adapt to their new surroundings- with Mac taking on the renovations himself- Mia and Mac will discover if their marriage is strong enough to survive months of DIY renovations.

What I thought:
Except for a few parts where the book made me anxious because the main character who is an author is avoiding writing her new book to focus on home rennovations where they have no money (which is why I couldn't read Shopaholic because she kept spending money she didn't have), this book was amazing.  It was full of references to the 80s and John Hughes (you know I love "Sixteen Candles" and "The Breakfast Club" and "Pretty in Pink" and "Say Anything"... ) as well as HGTV references ("Holmes on Homes"?  Yes please).  Basically, this book was fantastic and I loved it and I'm looking forward to reading whatever else Jen Lancaster has out there.

Food Challenge: PEACHES/Peach Sorbet

Recipe #3 of my peaches challenge.  I wanted to make a peach ice cream but then I remembered I don't love peach ice cream and then I also remembered what happened last time I made ice cream and decided to pick another route.  The obvious next choice is sorbet!

This was so easy to make and once I figured out how to use my stupid ice cream machine, it was a complete breeze!

Peach Sorbet
Recipe from: Annie's Eats

Ingredients:

4 cups chopped fresh peaches

½ cup sugar

½ cup light corn syrup

½ cup water

1 tbsp. lemon juice

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor and puree until smooth.  Chill mixture in refrigerator for at least two hours.  Once chilled, freeze in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.  Freeze for at least 4 hours before serving.

I didn't let it freeze for 4 hours before taking this picture.  You can see how its already melting.  I'm sure it'll be perfect in 4 hours but right now it tastes lovely!

Food Challenge: PEACHES/Oatmeal Peach Pie

Recipe #2 of my peaches challenge. We bought a crate of Colorado peaches at Cub the other day. I told my dad I'd eat two a day until they were gone. I did that for about a week then forgot we had them. Yesterday he told me I better eat 12 while he was gone because they were so ripe. Instead, I made peach desserts!

It didn't turn out exactly like the pie in the recipe I found but its still good!

Upside Down Peach Crumble Pie
Recipe from: Rock Recipes


Grease a 9 inch springform pan or deep dish pie plate.

In a large bowl toss together:
1 tsp baking powder
1 1/2cups rolled oats (large)
1  1/2 cups flour
½ cup brown sugar

Using your hands, rub thoroughly through the dry ingredients:
¾ cup cold butter, cut in small cubes.

Press the crumb mixture evenly into the bottom and sides of the greased pan.

Slice into thick wedges 6 -8 large ripe peaches, peeled or unpeeled; your choice.

Mix together:
½ cup brown sugar
2 tbsp corn starch
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp freshly ground nutmeg 

1 tbsp lemon juice

1 tsp vanilla extract

Toss with the sliced peaches and pour into the prepared crust. You can arrange the peach slices in a circular pattern in a couple of layers if you like.

Cover the pie with aluminum foil and bake for 15 minutes at 375 degrees F. Remove the foil, reduce the heat to 350 degrees F and bake for an additional 25 to 30 minutes or until the filling is bubbling. Cool for at least 30 minutes to an hour before serving.

This is so tasty.  I had some last night and then more for breakfast!  Yum!

#30: Lost

I've hit a depression this week. I drove home yesterday and honestly thought to myself, what happened to my happy self? I'm exhausted. I'm upset. And due to recent events, I feel like nothing is making me want to stay here right now.

Sure, I love my family but I can be anywhere and still have them.

For the past month, I've been going to the chiropractor like normal but hadn't been seeing the sexy chiropractor, James, whom I have developed a severe crush on. I thought nothing of it until literally a month passed and I finally asked the girls at the front desk what happened to him. Turns out he finished his internship and took an opportunity in California that he couldn't pass up. They say the doctor may hire him full time when he returns in four months but they're not sure and my treatment will be done by then. The only reason its good that he's gone is the fact that every time I went to the chiropractor for the past 3 months, I got super anxious because I was so in love with him and then I just got all tense and I'm sure it wasn't helping my treatment. So that was Monday when I got the first blow.

On Tuesday, I went to the gym for my personal training appointment with my trainer Eric. I love him too but in a platonic, just friends way because he's such an amazing trainer. I love the way I feel after working out and love the fact that he understands what my limits are and how to make me do stuff that I don't want to when I work out. Halfway through our session he asked if he'd told me about his new schedule yet. He's changing his training hours to mornings from 8-12:30. I've been working out at 5:30 on my way home at work. Because he's going back to school and wants to work in the morning and focus on school in the afternoon, I no longer get to see him either. I respect his decision but I'm still upset. Now I have to find a new trainer and move on with my life.

I don't want to.

Without the sexy chiropractor and my amazing trainer and the fact that I don't love work as much as I used to, what is keeping me here? I know this might offend some people but really, what do I do anymore? I volunteer which I enjoy but isn't giving me the joy and satisfaction it had been. I work, I work out, I go to the chiropractor and I go home. I think about going back to school all the time and I'm just kicking myself for not applying to more schools, for not fighting harder to do what I want. I'm so frustrated with having to wait another year. I do not regret anything in life but I do wonder what I was thinking when I decided to stay home an extra year. I copped out. I took the easy way out. I'm mad at myself for being so cocky about Colorado.

I'm just tired. I'm tired and lost and sad.

Food Challenge: PEACHES/Grilled Pork Chops with Sweet Peach BBQ Sauce

Recipe #1 for my peaches challenge. Dad and I bought a crate of Colorado peaches at Cub yesterday so I decided to add it to my food challenge as we're going to have to eat all those peaches in a relatively short amount of time. We can do it and its going to be tasty.

I made these for dinner tonight- Dad was just going to have me marinade pork but then I looked in my handy "In the Kitchen" app by Food Network and found this recipe instead.

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Grilled Pork Chops with Sweet Peach Barbeque Sauce
Recipe from: Food Network

Ingredients

For spice rub:

• 3 tablespoons ground coriander
• 3 tablespoons ground paprika
• 2 tablespoons ground cumin
• 1 tablespoon kosher salt
• 3 tablespoons freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 4 rib or loin pork chops, about 1 1/2-inch thick (12 to 14 ounces each)

For the sauce:

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 small red onion, peeled, sliced thin
• 3 peaches, pitted, cut into medium sized cubes
• 2 tablespoons peeled and minced fresh ginger
• 2 medium ripe tomatoes, cut into medium sized cubes
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 1/2 cup orange juice
• 1/3 cup light or dark brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Build a multi-level fire in the grill: Leave 1/4 of the bottom free of coals, bank the coals in the remaining 3/4 of the grill so that they are 3 times as high on 1 side as on the other. When the coals are all ignited and the temperature has lowered to medium (hold hand about 5-inches above grill grid, over the area where coals are deepest, for 4 to 5 seconds), the grill is ready to cook.

Make spice rub: Combine the ingredients for the spice rub in a small bowl and mix well. Rub the pork chops generously on both sides with the mixture and set aside while making the sauce.

Make the sauce: In a large skillet over medium-high heat, heat the oil until hot, but not smoking. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until golden brown, about 11 to 13 minutes. Add thepeaches, ginger, and tomatoes and cook, stirring frequently for 2 minutes. Stir in the vinegar, orange juice, sugar, allspice, and salt and pepper, to taste. Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat andsimmer until the mixture is reduced by about 1/2 and thickened slightly, about 20 minutes. Taste and adjust for the seasoning, then transfer the sauce to a blender or food processor and puree until smooth (be careful with hot liquids). Reserve 1/4 cup sauce for basting the chops, then pour the remaining sauce into a small serving bowl.

Put the chops on the grill over the coals and cook, turning once, until desired doneness; 8 to 10 minutes per side for medium. During the last 30 seconds of cooking on each side, baste the chops generously with the sauce. Check for doneness.

Serve the chops hot with extra barbecue sauce on the side.

Cook's note: The spice rub and barbecue sauce contains sugar, which might burn while cooking on the grill. If the chops start to burn on the outside, move them to cooler part of the grill and cover with a metal pie pan or disposable foil to finish cooking.

This was how the BBQ sauce started - peaches, red onion, tomato and ginger.  The sauce is very ginger-y.  But its fresh and lovely and I'm glad I watch so much Food Network because I knew exactly how to handle the new ingredient!