I am in serious need of some changes in my life.
Things I have planned so far:
* Learning a new sport (i.e. golf, inspired by my friend Michelle at work and nudged along by Jon Wing)
* Quitting at Vera. I haven't decided when exactly but I know it needs to happen.
* Making a budget and sticking to it (on my list of things to do before I turn 25)
* Seeking help. I'm depressed and I am trying to deal with it. Hopefully this is the number one thing that turns my life around this summer.
* Changing my eating habits. I'm intrigued by the Whole 30 which you can read about here at the official website and here at a blog I read and love. I definitely think I could stick to this diet.
* Running. I will start this summer. I'm determined (even though I missed the sign up for the Color Run this summer- I'll just be more prepared for next year).
* Finding something to believe in. I think my lack of faith is contributing to my depression. Today I woke up and decided to sponsor a child (after reading my favorite blog the night before). Her name is Cherry Mae. I'm sure I'll write about her more as I get to know her and I'll share a picture when I get it in the mail. I decided that if Cherry Mae has spiritual guidance in the Philippines (I think that's where she is...), I sure can find it here.
* Continuing to clean out my room. I have so much crap. I just stuffed two bags full of clothes to donate and my closet is still stuffed to the brim. I have a shelf of books I will probably never read again. I have drawers full of junk. I just need to throw everything out and then stop buying things to replace it all.
* Learning Spanish (for medical professionals) and finding some way to apply it to my life on a regular basis. We have Spanish-speaking patients come in to the clinic on occasion but I want to immerse myself in a situation regularly where I can use what I learn this summer so I don't immediately forget everything.
* Going on a week long adventure. I would like to say that the experience will be worth the expense but it is still rather expensive... but totally worth it if you ask me. Its still a work in progress/surprise.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
#37: Decisions, Decisions
It's been a while since I posted about my life. I've been going through a lot of frustration, waiting and thinking of my future. Here's what has happened.
Last time I posted, I was in Colorado. I loved DU but at the time, I really didn't think it was right for me. I was going through the motions and pretending it was perfect but looking back, it wasn't. It was not the right fit. I sent thank you cards to the professors and waited (im)patiently for a decision to be made. I did get accepted into the program at DU. I ran a victory lap around my office building. I jumped up and down. I posted it to Facebook and got all the validation I needed. But every time someone asked when I was leaving, I responded "well, I haven't decided if I'm going or not". At the time, it hinged on whether or not I got the assistantship that would pay my tuition plus give me a place to live. Every time I worried about the expense, I was told "everyone has student loans". For a while, I thought to myself- I'll go no matter what. Then I did not get the assistantship and all of a sudden I was back into the confusing, twisting tornado I was stuck in before.
Finally, I sat down with my parents. We discussed my inability to budget. We discussed the total expense of the two year program in Denver where I would have to find a place to live and a job. We discussed other options. We decided (after some crying) that it is in my best interest at this point to stay home, start saving money, and possibly get my degree online. I was not sure what my parents would say- deep down, I knew they'd give me the sensible answer (which is exactly what they did) but I was secretly hoping they'd wish me luck and tell me to go after my dreams, no matter the cost. This decision is a good one because even though I am excited to get my master's in student affairs and as much as I want to be working in the field, I don't want $80,000+ worth of loans hovering over me for the next 15+ years (since goodness knows people in student affairs don't make a ton of money and those loans will take forever to pay off). I know it shouldn't come down to the money but in this economy (such a lame excuse), its hard not to consider.
I interviewed for the Colorado State University online master's program yesterday. I'll know (hopefully) at the end of the month if I'm accepted into the fall cohort. I hate waiting but at this point, this is all that's left for me. I've signed on to stay at MPO for at least two more years, if not three. There is some potential for me to grow and move around in the company eventually so that is something to look forward to. I love working in Burnsville with the bunch of people that are there so I'm content with this decision. Some days are frustrating but they really value me as an employee and I appreciate that so I think it'll be a good place for me to stay for a while.
I am looking forward to many things now that I know I'll be home. Jaci and Ryan's wedding in the fall. Watching baby Gibson's first year of life. Continuing to work out with my trainer. Rearranging some things at home. Getting into a better routine that will keep me healthy and happy. I know a lot of good will come of this, I just can't see it all right now.
So there you have it, the decision has been made. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or chastise me for my plans. This was a decision I had to make on my own and you may not agree with it but that's okay. Someday my life will go the way I expect it to, I just have to get through a few more hurdles first.
Last time I posted, I was in Colorado. I loved DU but at the time, I really didn't think it was right for me. I was going through the motions and pretending it was perfect but looking back, it wasn't. It was not the right fit. I sent thank you cards to the professors and waited (im)patiently for a decision to be made. I did get accepted into the program at DU. I ran a victory lap around my office building. I jumped up and down. I posted it to Facebook and got all the validation I needed. But every time someone asked when I was leaving, I responded "well, I haven't decided if I'm going or not". At the time, it hinged on whether or not I got the assistantship that would pay my tuition plus give me a place to live. Every time I worried about the expense, I was told "everyone has student loans". For a while, I thought to myself- I'll go no matter what. Then I did not get the assistantship and all of a sudden I was back into the confusing, twisting tornado I was stuck in before.
Finally, I sat down with my parents. We discussed my inability to budget. We discussed the total expense of the two year program in Denver where I would have to find a place to live and a job. We discussed other options. We decided (after some crying) that it is in my best interest at this point to stay home, start saving money, and possibly get my degree online. I was not sure what my parents would say- deep down, I knew they'd give me the sensible answer (which is exactly what they did) but I was secretly hoping they'd wish me luck and tell me to go after my dreams, no matter the cost. This decision is a good one because even though I am excited to get my master's in student affairs and as much as I want to be working in the field, I don't want $80,000+ worth of loans hovering over me for the next 15+ years (since goodness knows people in student affairs don't make a ton of money and those loans will take forever to pay off). I know it shouldn't come down to the money but in this economy (such a lame excuse), its hard not to consider.
I interviewed for the Colorado State University online master's program yesterday. I'll know (hopefully) at the end of the month if I'm accepted into the fall cohort. I hate waiting but at this point, this is all that's left for me. I've signed on to stay at MPO for at least two more years, if not three. There is some potential for me to grow and move around in the company eventually so that is something to look forward to. I love working in Burnsville with the bunch of people that are there so I'm content with this decision. Some days are frustrating but they really value me as an employee and I appreciate that so I think it'll be a good place for me to stay for a while.
I am looking forward to many things now that I know I'll be home. Jaci and Ryan's wedding in the fall. Watching baby Gibson's first year of life. Continuing to work out with my trainer. Rearranging some things at home. Getting into a better routine that will keep me healthy and happy. I know a lot of good will come of this, I just can't see it all right now.
So there you have it, the decision has been made. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or chastise me for my plans. This was a decision I had to make on my own and you may not agree with it but that's okay. Someday my life will go the way I expect it to, I just have to get through a few more hurdles first.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Post Grad Book #16
Why I read it: I read about it in the Star Tribune and it sounded like a fun read
Book description:
On Christmas Day, 1926, twelve-year-old Clotilde “Coco” Irvine received a blank diary as a present. Coco loved to write—and to get into scrapes—and her new diary gave her the opportunity to explain her side of the messes she created: “I’m in deep trouble through no fault of my own,” her entries frequently began. The daughter of a lumber baron, Coco grew up in a twenty-room mansion on fashionable Summit Avenue at the peak of the Jazz Age, a time when music, art, and women’s social status were all in a state of flux and the economy was still flying high.
Coco’s diary carefully records her adventures, problems, and romances, written with a lively wit and a droll sense of humor. Whether sneaking out to a dance hall in her mother’s clothes or getting in trouble for telling an off-color joke, Coco and her escapades will captivate and delight preteen readers as well as their mothers and grandmothers.
Peg Meier’s introduction describes St. Paul life in the 1920s and provides context for the privileged world that Coco inhabits, while an afterword tells what happens to Coco as an adult—and reveals surprises about some of the other characters in the diary.
What I thought:
This book was adorable. It was such a fast book to read- it was very short and sweet. It is a diary of a 13-year-old girl with quite an attitude and a very specific idea of the world around her. It is a time in St. Paul before the Great Depression where she is young and carefree and writes about shenanigans she gets herself into at school and a boy she likes. This is a nice view into the life of a well-to-do child in our community in history. I love reading about things that relate to Minneapolis and St. Paul back in the day and I love the 1920s so this was a perfect little book to read. Now I'm going to read some F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Post Grad Book #15
Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope by Gabrielle Giffords and Mark Kelly
Why I read it: I was intrigued by her story and thought it would be a great book
Why I read it: I was intrigued by her story and thought it would be a great book
Book description:AS INDIVIDUALS, CONGRESSWOMAN GABRIELLE GIFFORDS and her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, showed Americans how optimism, an adventurous spirit, and a call to service can help change the world. As a couple, they became a national example of the healing power to be found in deeply shared love and courage. Their arrival in the world spotlight came under the worst of circumstances. On January 8, 2011, while meeting with her constituents in Tucson, Arizona, Gabby was the victim of an assassination attempt that left six people dead and thirteen wounded. Gabby was shot in the head; doctors called her survival “miraculous.”
As the nation grieved and sought to understand the attack, Gabby remained in private, focused on her against-all-odds recovery. Mark spent every possible moment by her side, as he also prepared for his final mission as commander of space shuttle Endeavour.
Now, as Gabby’s health continues to improve, the couple is sharing their remarkable untold story. Intimate, inspiring, and unforgettably moving, Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope provides an unflinching look at the overwhelming challenges of brain injury, the painstaking process of learning to communicate again, and the responsibilities that fall to a loving spouse who wants the best possible treatment for his wife. Told in Mark’s voice and from Gabby’s heart, the book also chronicles the lives that brought these two extraordinary people together—their humor, their ambitions, their sense of duty, their long-distance marriage, and their desire for family.
Gabby and Mark made a pledge to tell their account as honestly as possible, and they have done so in riveting detail. Both Gabby and Mark have lived large public lives, but this book takes readers behind many closed doors—from the flight deck of the space shuttle to the cloakrooms of Congress to the hospital wards where Gabby struggled to reclaim herself with the help of formidable medical teams and devoted family and friends.
Questions are answered with unvarnished candor. How do Gabby and Mark feel about the angry political discourse that was swirling in America at the time of the shooting, and that remains prevalent today? How do they see government living up to the highest possible ideals? And how do they understand and mourn the loss of the people who did not survive that day? Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope is a reminder of the power of true grit, the patience needed to overcome unimaginable obstacles, and the transcendence of love. In the story of Gabrielle Giffords and Mark Kelly, we all can see the best in ourselves. As Mark and Gabby’s friends have said: “The two of them are America as we dream it can be."
What I thought:
This book was amazing. It was written in such a way that kept me interested and for that reason, it was hard to put down. Instead of it being in chronological order, the book jumped from memory to memory, laying out Gabby and Mark's back story while explaining her recovery after the shooting. Gabrielle Giffords is a truly amazing and courageous woman and there are not enough good things I could say about this book. Not only did I learn about Gabrielle as a congresswoman but I learned a lot about NASA since Mark is an astronaut and was in space for two weeks during Gabby's rehab. This book and Gabby's story inspired me to think about a career in politics, or at least a job on Capitol Hill working for one of my congress people. I am just in awe of Gabrielle Giffords.
Post Grad Book #14
Why I read it: I saw they made a Lifetime movie about it so I decided to read the book instead.
Book description:
Growing up, Gaby Rodriguez was often told she would end up a teen mom. After all, her mother and her older sisters had gotten pregnant as teenagers; from an outsider’s perspective, it was practically a family tradition. Gaby had ambitions that didn’t include teen motherhood. But she wondered: how would she be treated if she “lived down” to others' expectations? Would everyone ignore the years she put into being a good student and see her as just another pregnant teen statistic with no future? These questions sparked Gaby’s school project: faking her own pregnancy as a high school senior to see how her family, friends, and community would react. What she learned changed her life forever, and made international headlines in the process.
In The Pregnancy Project, Gaby details how she was able to fake her own pregnancy—hiding the truth from even her siblings and boyfriend’s parents—and reveals all that she learned from the experience. But more than that, Gaby’s story is about fighting stereotypes, and how one girl found the strength to come out from the shadow of low expectations to forge a bright future for herself.
What I thought:
It was an interesting read. I wish I had thought of more interesting things to do when I was in high school. This girl really made an impact in her community and I would like to do the same someday, in my own way. She was very brave for doing what she did and I think she was lucky to come out of it on a high note- things could have gone a lot worse than what she described in the book with people judging her and saying mean things. I'm pleased with the faculty members involved in letting her do this project because they believed in her and obviously wanted to see some change as well. It was a quick read on my iPhone and I thought it was pretty good. Better than watching the movie, I'm sure.
Friday, February 24, 2012
#36: Colorado and Cupcakes
I'm currently sitting at the University of Denver after two days of programs and interviews for the Higher Education Master's program. There are about 40 of us here but the program is split into 3 tracks so its hard to tell who my competition is. DU (yes, they call it DU when it would make sense to be called UD) was not high on my list of places I wanted to attend. I didn't get in to Colorado State- Fort Collins for the second year in a row so when DU came calling, I was on board. I can't go here unless I get the assistantship that will pay for my full tuition and the only assistantship interview I had was in residence life which is so not what I saw myself doing when I went back to school. I guess its only a two year program and then more options will be available to me but right now, I just don't know what to do. They may not even offer me acceptance into the program after the interview I had this morning. I don't interview well.
The way I see it right now, DU is just a way to be in Colorado. Colorado has been calling my name for years but has been especially intriguing since Poppa died. I associate Poppa with Colorado so being here right now is kind of like a pilgrimage for me. I'm driving out to Buena Vista tomorrow to see the old chalet and the home he built. I'm excited for the drive by myself to reflect on his life and the direction mine is going.
I don't want to be here anymore. I am so fickle these days. Not being in school has been the best and worst thing for me at this point in my life. It was great because it made me realize how much I want to go back to school. It was bad because I don't feel like myself anymore. During my undergrad, I was busy 24/7 and that's the environment in which I thrived. I was organized, I had a system, I knew what to do and when to do it. Now that I've been home, I feel totally lost. I am no longer the "organized" that people expect me to be. I am complacent. I pretty much don't care that I'm here. Everyone is asking questions and socializing with each other and I really just want to go home. Currently I'm sitting away from the group typing this. I don't know when I became this person but I don't like it. I am very out of it and I'm not quite sure what will bring me back to normal "Mary" behavior.
I'm tired. I feel like all I ever do anymore is complain and I hate being that person. I'm lucky to be where I am right now with a full time job and benefits and living at home and being in a loving family. I'm just not happy and that is driving me crazy.
I want to open a cupcake shop. I've been musing for a while that if I don't get in to grad school, I'll just quit my job and attempt to open my own business. I think it would really make me happy, doing something that I love and that makes other people happy. Although the people at my current job are trying to find ways to make me stay and I told them I'd consider their offer, I don't think I can handle it. I just want to bake cupcakes, make people smile and volunteer for causes I believe in. Is that so wrong? Now is the time I should be doing this kind of thing, right? I can go back to school whenever. I can work full time in the medical field whenever. Right now when I'm young and single and need something truly rewarding and ambitious- opening a cupcake shop just makes sense to me at this point in my life.
Hopefully I find some clarity and direction on my drive through the mountains tomorrow or Sunday. I'm just looking for answers and who knows if I'll find them here.
The way I see it right now, DU is just a way to be in Colorado. Colorado has been calling my name for years but has been especially intriguing since Poppa died. I associate Poppa with Colorado so being here right now is kind of like a pilgrimage for me. I'm driving out to Buena Vista tomorrow to see the old chalet and the home he built. I'm excited for the drive by myself to reflect on his life and the direction mine is going.
I don't want to be here anymore. I am so fickle these days. Not being in school has been the best and worst thing for me at this point in my life. It was great because it made me realize how much I want to go back to school. It was bad because I don't feel like myself anymore. During my undergrad, I was busy 24/7 and that's the environment in which I thrived. I was organized, I had a system, I knew what to do and when to do it. Now that I've been home, I feel totally lost. I am no longer the "organized" that people expect me to be. I am complacent. I pretty much don't care that I'm here. Everyone is asking questions and socializing with each other and I really just want to go home. Currently I'm sitting away from the group typing this. I don't know when I became this person but I don't like it. I am very out of it and I'm not quite sure what will bring me back to normal "Mary" behavior.
I'm tired. I feel like all I ever do anymore is complain and I hate being that person. I'm lucky to be where I am right now with a full time job and benefits and living at home and being in a loving family. I'm just not happy and that is driving me crazy.
I want to open a cupcake shop. I've been musing for a while that if I don't get in to grad school, I'll just quit my job and attempt to open my own business. I think it would really make me happy, doing something that I love and that makes other people happy. Although the people at my current job are trying to find ways to make me stay and I told them I'd consider their offer, I don't think I can handle it. I just want to bake cupcakes, make people smile and volunteer for causes I believe in. Is that so wrong? Now is the time I should be doing this kind of thing, right? I can go back to school whenever. I can work full time in the medical field whenever. Right now when I'm young and single and need something truly rewarding and ambitious- opening a cupcake shop just makes sense to me at this point in my life.
Hopefully I find some clarity and direction on my drive through the mountains tomorrow or Sunday. I'm just looking for answers and who knows if I'll find them here.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
#35: Belly Bean
I'm excited for my best friend Allison and her husband Phil to have their first baby this spring. I'm excited to have a baby in the "family" that I can spoil rotten because, let's be honest, that's what will happen. It will be adorable and I will love it. I started spoiling it with an amazing baby shower for Allison today! She wanted a "retro" themed party but then I found the most adorable invitations with a baby in an ACORN. So we kind of went with a retro color scheme (avocado, burnt orange, teal, etc) and a woodland creature theme (mirroring that of the nursery).
I sent the adorable (Australian) invitations with a white onesie for people to decorate and bring to the party as a surprise for Allison. I got the invitations from this Etsy shop.
We had the party at the Uptown Cafeteria and Support Group to tie in Allison's want for a "retro" theme. The Uptown Cafeteria is a cool old-school cafeteria restaurant and we reserved the Teacher's Lounge for the gathering of 16 people (I didn't want to try and have everyone over to my house so a restaurant seemed like the best idea). Below is the entry hallway to the Cafeteria- its covered in lunch trays!
The first thing us non-pregnant people did? Had mimosas! We were there for brunch and it was perfectly tasty.
Also there was a guestbook where everyone could write advice for Allison, Allison & Phil or for the baby.
We played a bunch of games like the baby food tasting game:
And a game where you're blindfolded and try to pick out the tiny safety pins from a bunch of rice:
Then Allison opened so many presents. This one is my favorite because of the loving way she is looking at that box.
And then I took pictures of everyone and their decorated onesie with Allison (the pictures will go in the guestbook and be used for thank you notes). Here is Allison and me!
And perhaps one of my favorite pictures from the party is this one of the hanging onesies and my dear sister Liz who hung them up for us.
Everyone got these lovely sugar cookie party favors. Sugar cookie decorating with royal icing is trickier than I thought but look at the great finished product! Woodland creatures!
All in all, it was a great morning spent with friends and celebrating a very exciting milestone in my best friend's life. Like I said, I cannot wait for the baby to arrive! Little Eleanor or Gibbson will be my favorite baby in the world. :)
I sent the adorable (Australian) invitations with a white onesie for people to decorate and bring to the party as a surprise for Allison. I got the invitations from this Etsy shop.
We had the party at the Uptown Cafeteria and Support Group to tie in Allison's want for a "retro" theme. The Uptown Cafeteria is a cool old-school cafeteria restaurant and we reserved the Teacher's Lounge for the gathering of 16 people (I didn't want to try and have everyone over to my house so a restaurant seemed like the best idea). Below is the entry hallway to the Cafeteria- its covered in lunch trays!
I used many Vera Bradley bags to transport gifts and other fun things to the party. Love these three bags. I also gave Vera Bradley as prizes for the games. Someone said they were the best baby shower gifts she'd seen. Awesome.
The first thing us non-pregnant people did? Had mimosas! We were there for brunch and it was perfectly tasty.
Also there was a guestbook where everyone could write advice for Allison, Allison & Phil or for the baby.
We played a bunch of games like the baby food tasting game:
And a game where you're blindfolded and try to pick out the tiny safety pins from a bunch of rice:
Then Allison opened so many presents. This one is my favorite because of the loving way she is looking at that box.
And then I took pictures of everyone and their decorated onesie with Allison (the pictures will go in the guestbook and be used for thank you notes). Here is Allison and me!
Everyone got these lovely sugar cookie party favors. Sugar cookie decorating with royal icing is trickier than I thought but look at the great finished product! Woodland creatures!
All in all, it was a great morning spent with friends and celebrating a very exciting milestone in my best friend's life. Like I said, I cannot wait for the baby to arrive! Little Eleanor or Gibbson will be my favorite baby in the world. :)
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