#31: Back to School Thoughts

I think it is ridiculous to say that I've "narrowed down" my search of graduate schools to a final 10.  10 is still a lot of schools and is going to cost me $510 in application fees alone.  Right now I have very mixed feelings about everything in the future.  I have this cautious attitude to not be too excited about any school I like because I've learned too many times how nothing goes the way I plan or how so much can change in such a short period of time.  One year ago, Allison & Phil got married and I was happy with Sean and look where he is now- gone.  He disappeared.  Obviously, I'm still a little upset about that but I think it only hurts again now because I was so happy a year ago.  So I'm not putting too many eggs in one basket, as they say, like I did last time because I'm not sure I can stand another disappointment like that.  Plus I just need to get out of here.

I want to go back to school.  I really do.  But every time I drive past a house for sale, I think about what it would be like to just buy a house and settle down here.  But then I remember how I have nothing (and no one) to settle down with and I start thinking about school again.  I think it all comes down to me being lonely.  I love my family but I miss the community of being on campus.  I like most of the people I work with so that helps me continue to make it through work each day but its not the same.  I miss being on campus and learning.

I signed up for a Spanish continuing education course at Normandale starting in a couple weeks.  Its a six-week visual learning course.  I'm really excited about it.  I just want to learn more "every day" Spanish so I can have conversations, short as they may be, with our Spanish speaking patients.  I think if I could continue my Spanish education it could give me a huge advantage in the higher education job market in the future.  I think this is a good move for me right now.

I'm also considering an 8-week class in beginner's quilt making.  "Make a quilt" is on my list of 23 Things ever since I saw the adorable quilt Kasi made for Jaci.  Because I more or less taught myself to knit and never quite mastered the skill, I decided I needed to take a class to get me started on quilting.  I'm excited about that too because its going to give me something to do.  Plus, maybe I'll make a baby blanket...

And I've decided to start going to Zumba classes at LA Fitness on Monday nights.  This could be hit or miss.  I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about my personal trainer changing his hours.  Right now I'm scheduled to work out with the female trainer Eric recommended but I don't like her hours (I saw Eric at 5:30, Ruth has openings at 6 or later on most days) so that frustrates me.  Working out has to be convenient for me, otherwise I won't do it.  So I may have to try out the other trainers again.  But Zumba has potential, I suppose.

By the way, I've decided to stop taking a "Picture a Day".  The pictures I took were mostly crap and I forgot a lot so I figured it wasn't worth doing anymore.  I know I'm only 3 months away from the end of the year but what's the point in 3 more months of Jazz pictures?

Anyway, here is the list of my top 10 grad schools.  I decided 10 was a good number because its my favorite number (birthdate) not to mention that when I laid out all the individual papers I wrote down with school info on it, Jazz messed up about 3 or 4 of them so Mom and I decided it was a sign to toss them (also I didn't like the programs the longer I thought about it...).

1. San Diego State University
2. Bowling Green State University (Carl wants me to go here)
3. Indiana University of Pennsylvania (it is random but it looks like a great program)
4. University of Connecticut
5. Seattle University
6. University of San Diego
7. University of Vermont (I heard its nice in Vermont this time of year, all that snow...).
8. Colorado State University (note how far down on this list it is now.  I'm sad about it but also I've finally hit the "anger" stage of grieving.  I'm mad at them for not accepting me, mad for the lameass excuse ("not enough experience") and mad at myself for not gaining more experience in the last year since I got the rejection in January...)
9. University of Denver
10. University of St. Thomas (more or less my safe school as I REALLY would prefer not to stay here)

Here are all of those schools plotted out on a map according to longitudes and latitudes.  I'm a big nerd.  :)

This is the latest I've stayed up in weeks due to my busy schedule but I suddenly had a lot to say and had to write it down before I forgot.  Wish me luck with my very expensive endeavor of applying to grad schools!